Sunday, April 27, 2014

Introvert?

Yesterday we went to the Manti Temple.  It was really cool!  We had a friend who knew a lot, and she kind of became a tour guide for us.  She told us to ask about the spiral staircase, and so we did, and we were able to see the northern one.  It has 151 steps and I think it said it makes 6 full circles.  You stand in the middle and you look up and WOW!

That was a side note.  In the car, one girl said commented about how another girl in our car wasn't saying anything.  "I'm just listening," replied the girl.

That took me down memory lane because that used to be me.  Well, it often still is me.  It was simply weird that I could hear someone say that to someone other than me.  It made me think of my growing up years and the different groups of friends of which I've been a part.  It made me think of a popular guy writing in my yearbook, "P.S. TALK MORE."  It made me think about how I've always seen myself as an introvert until very, very recently.  Now, when I take the test, I usually get moderate introvert.

See, I'm quiet, but I love meeting people.  I like to be by myself, or I like to be with a ton of friends.  Well, it's not so much that I like to be with a ton of people, it's that I don't like excluding people.  I can go to a party and enjoy myself.  "The more the merrier" rings true for me.  I am more comfortable with myself, however, in smaller groups.  So yeah, I'm a moderate introvert.  I play both sides of the fence (because there obviously is a fence).

So what's my point?  Well, it's complicated.  People are complicated.  I kind of hate putting people in boxes to analyze them, and yet I see why it can be effective.  I identify with the introverts a lot, but I wouldn't want that to stop me from being friendly to a newcomer and/or talking to strangers.  And then people will come out and tell you that that isn't how you identify an introvert versus an extrovert - that it has to do with whether you create energy or get it from other people.  Well, I do both.  Sometimes being alone kills me and I need to suck energy out of real, living people.  Sometimes people are sucking out all my energy and I need to be alone to reenergize.  I don't think I'm alone in that.  I think everyone needs people AND alone time.  I guess it just depends one how much from one to the other that defines what you are.

This is just another reason why I like to sing the melody, "Tell me where I belong.  I cannot be myself until I find out who I am." (A Distant Serenade)

Thursday, April 24, 2014

I Got My Sparring Gear!

I got my sparring gear yesterday.  Obviously that means that I needed to put it all on and talk for the camera.  Well, I think I'm cute.  You can think I'm insane, that's okay.  And I'm also testing my abilities to post a video... or three...

video

I feel like I need to clarify something.  In the video I say it's the first time I'm putting on my sparring gear in a long time.  It's the first time I put on this set of sparring gear.  It's the first time that I put on sparring gear that belonged to me in a long time.  Okay, thanks for letting me clarify.

Posing for the camera and then...

video

Last but not least...

video

So there you have it.  I'm allowed to be weird because I'm secretly posing as an alien...  Don't worry if it doesn't make sense.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

If I Had a Super Power

Whenever I am asked what my super power would be, I usually answer that I would want healing power.  The funny thing about that is that that power exists on this earth.  There are doctors and there are Priesthood Blessings.  I am not a doctor and I cannot give a Priesthood Blessing.

I will admit full heartily that I do not understand Priesthood Blessings completely.  I know that they are real, and that God has power on this earth.  I also believe that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing, and I do not feel at uneasy for the fact that I do not hold the Priesthood as the men do.

What about becoming a doctor?  You have no idea how much I wish I could.  A friend today dislocated her knee.  I reacted exactly how I always imagined I would.  I held back, wanting to help, but unsure of what to do.  When asked to do something, I did it quickly.  I had to be commanded, though, because I did not know what to do.  (Well, in all honesty, I offered to call 911, but it didn't seem like people wanted me to do that, so I refrained).

I went home and continued to fret for my friend.  Other friends took her to the hospital.  After an hour I inquired about her.  They were waiting for her to be put under.  I don't know much about dislocations, but my heart ached more thinking about the pain she now had to suffer for such a long period of time.

I decided this would be a defining moment for me.  I googled, "How to put a knee back in place."  The first item was a youtube video.  I clicked it.  I started to watch, and then I turned away.  It did not turn out to be such a defining moment as I had hoped.  I can't be a doctor.  (A voice sings in my head, "I can't is a sluggard too lazy to try.")  When I see someone in pain, I take upon myself their pain emotionally.  No, it's not real and probably isn't helpful; but I do it.  I wish I could heal people.

And then another voice says in my mind that if I had the power to heal people, I wouldn't use it sparingly.  I could not be trusted with such a power.

The thing is, I would be satisfied with the gift to take on myself half of the injury/pain.  Think about it, if your pain is halved, it would make it much easier to bear, no?  And I would be willing to sacrifice to help my friends.  That caveat would keep me from healing everyone, because I would not be capable of it.  But I would be able to help my friends, or a random boy who fell out of a tree, or an old women who strains a muscle crossing the street.  That, my friends, would be my ideal super power.  It's one where I could help people at a price, a price I can afford.

It's now been over two hours since she first dislocated her knee.  I sure hope they've been able to fix it by now.  I asked a friend to let me know, and I haven't heard back since he first said they were waiting.  I want to ask again, but I don't want to come off as a broken record.  Ack.

Monday, April 21, 2014

The Blood That Wouldn't Flow

Threatening your blood doesn't work.  Today was our blood drive. I drank a lot of water.  I ate a lot of spinach.  I don't know if spinach is good for donating blood, but I told myself that it was, and I ate a lot of it.  I ran around the church building before going in.  I told myself I was going to donate or die trying.  Well, I didn't donate and I didn't die.

My phlebotomist's name was Cecilia.  I told her my goal was to not pass out and to actually donate.  She said she would help me. She told me when she was going to stick in the needle so that I could look away.  I did so.  A few minutes later, I could tell there was a problem.  She called over a different phlebotomist to check everything.  He did, and then he announced there was nothing he could do.  See, my blood flowed just enough to get about an inch of blood in the tube.  That's it, and then it stopped.  It was enough for her to know she got the right spot.  Twisting the needle didn't help.  My blood just wouldn't flow.

A friend told me it's probably because I'm heartless.  I like that explanation.  I'm going to go with that.

I thought about what this means for me as a future blood donor.  Would I give up?  Would I ever try again?  I don't want to, but I also think it's a waste of time and resources for me to volunteer if my blood doesn't flow.

Then I thought about how it was much like a crush.  I know the crush is pointless, nothing will happen, and yet I keep crushing anyway.  Silly me.

I don't know.  I don't know if I will try to donate again.  I probably won't for a while at least.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I Want to Win

Sometimes I feel like gritting my teeth and shouting, "I will win!"  There's no competition, nothing to win, but but there's an overall feeling of something to conquer.

For example, my ankle hurts and I look at it and tell it, "You will stop hurting!"

My skin is dry and I look at it and tell it, "You will stop being dry."

Or, the biggest thing for me at the moment, I signed up to donate blood on Monday. I can't see my blood, but I innately look at it and tell it, "You will circulate well on Monday or you will die trying!"

Okay, so no one is going to die at the blood drive.  I'm hoping that if I threaten my blood, though, that it will circulate better.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

The Circle of Death

Okay, the title was a bit overdramatic.  I wanted to post a picture here for all of you to see.  So, I was going to scan it.

I started by putting a piece of paper on my scanner and pressing the scan button.  I got a message that said, "Scan Error Try scan from computer."  So I got on my computer and pressed the scan button.  It pretended to work, and then it said, "To begin, place an item on the scanner and then click Scan."  So I did that and got the same error message.  So I pressed scan on my computer and it went back to that screen.

I CAN'T WIN!  You'll just have to wonder what that picture was going to be about.

The end.