Sunday, September 30, 2012

Dates and Complexes: Not an Exciting Post, But There are Pictures

Roommate: What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Me: Uh?
Roommate: A calendar has dates!

I thought that was a funny joke...and true.  So our elders' quorum is having this date night next month.  They wanted all the girls to write down their names and numbers if they were interested.  So, of course, I signed the list.  First date in months WAHOO!  Well, that is if it ends up happening.  

People like pictures.  These two balloons like to dance above our vent.  

A long time ago (as in months ago) my roommate braided my hair.  I put on my glasses and took a picture.  

Once upon a time I had a calling.  I was a ward missionary.  I am no longer that.  Sad :(  

So I have a problem.  I have this complex where I always believe someone else can do a better job. 

Last night I was told to prepare the lesson for Gospel Principles.  So I did.  Then I got released from my calling.  I admit that I was a little off balance because of it.  So when I found out the Ward Mission Leader had also prepared a lesson, I told him to give his lesson instead of me.  

That's when I realized my flaw.  I was supposed to give the lesson today.  Don't get me wrong, he did a great job.  However, I should not have given up my responsibility.  Just because the lesson went well with him doesn't mean that I am off the hook.  I felt that today.  Heavenly Father knows what we are capable of giving.  Giving isn't always about helping others.  Giving is also very much about helping ourselves.  I feel deeply that today was a failure for me.  However, week things will become our strengths.  It was a failure in that I did not fulfill my responsibility.  It was a success because I finally woke up and realized something that I have been doing wrong for a long time.  It's not about who can give the best lesson in Sunday School.  It's about doing what the Lord has asked of us.  

Don't worry, Heavenly Father doesn't give up on people.  Just because I failed today does not mean that I will fail next time.  

Thursday, September 20, 2012


I love fairytales.  I love romance too, but not necessarily the mushy stuff.  I enjoy a great story where the hero or heroine must sacrifice for the one he/she loves.  We are told since we are young that fairytales aren’t real, but we still yearn to find that kind of romance in our own lives. 

I realized a year ago that my story could be just as romantic as the fictional stories I grew up on.  A guy asked for my phone number one Saturday morning.  I informed him that I would not be free the following weekend because I didn’t want to have to turn him down when he asked me out.  So he called me up that night and said, “I thought about waiting two weeks, but I decided I didn’t want to wait that long.  Can we have dinner together tomorrow?”  Wow!  Here was a guy who couldn’t wait to see me again.  My fairytale was beginning.  Then it ended.  Now he’s married to someone else and I couldn’t be happier if I never saw him again. 

When I was in kindergarten, I made a promise to a boy that we would always be friends.  In my head I thought that this moment held significance that could span into eternities.  No, I wasn’t planning on marrying the kid.  I was only 5!  But I did assume that we would be friends forever and that we would use that friendship to make life-altering decisions.  Two years later I switched schools and I didn’t see him again until high school.  By then our lives were on completely different paths and we weren’t really friends.  I recently found out that he is now married with children.  Good for him.  A romantic piece of me died though.  That promise we made when we were five years old essentially meant nothing.  On the other hand, in a world where marriage is becoming less important, I’m grateful to find out that he’s doing well. 

Once upon a time there was a guy in my ward that all the girls my age liked.  Well, I don’t know if they really liked him.  I never really understood what was going on in their heads.  Well, his family moved away.  Now, in one of my classes, there’s this guy that looks a lot like him.  There’s a ring on his finger.  There are many rings on men’s fingers in my classes.  It happens when you get to the upper level classes and you’re in a cool major.  Anyway, today he told his last name to the teacher.  Guess what, not only does he look like this boy from a long time ago, he has the same name!  What are the chances?  They must be space and time twins!  Or they are in fact the same person and this boy is now all grown up and married.  I hope his life is a fairytale.  (I guess this story doesn’t quite fit because I wasn’t ever emotionally attached to him personally.  I’m leaving it in anyway). 

What am I trying to say?  I love fairytales, but I have a problem trying to apply them to my life.  I’m really good at studying facts, but I hate class projects.  Application just doesn’t go over well for me.  Do I believe in fairytales?  Yes, I believe that they exist.  Do I believe that I will live one of them?  That is a harder question to answer.  I hope so. 

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Going Backwards

So I wrote this long post, and then decided not to post it.  I'll give you the readers' digest.

Once upon a time I didn't want to have friends.  Then something happened and I got friends.  Then something happened and I didn't have friends.

My definition of friend is different than my roommate's.  That creates a whole set of problems.

Actually, come to think of it, by my definition I've always had friends.  But even by my definition I've found people who I thought were my friends but they weren't.

Moral of the story: I like being alone.  I really do.  Yes, I'm human and need to be social sometimes,  but my home base is to be alone.  I do like being around people sometimes, but not every minute of the day.

The end.