Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Insane?

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein

My coworker announced today that he doesn't take power naps because he can never go to sleep for only a short time. If he goes to sleep, he will sleep for hours. I have discovered the same is quite true of myself. And yet I still tell myself that I will only be sleeping for 15 minutes. An hour and half later: here I am posting on my blog after having just woken up. Am I insane?

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Sluggish

Why is it that I can wake up at the same time two days in a row, but on one day I am late and the other day I am early? Seriously, why do I have time to post right now? What do I do for the next ten minutes? Why was I so sluggish yesterday? Is that just inherent with Monday mornings?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter

I think this is an awesome article about the importance of Easter. Happy Easter everyone!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Feeling Guilty, But Not Too Guilty

Today is cleaning inspection. Everyone failed, as usual. Well, wrong, we don't usually fail. However, it's a usual thing for people to fail this cleaning check because this is the extreme cleaning check. Then there's the promise that if you fix things before the cleaners get there then we're all okay. So I set out to start cleaning shower heads. For whatever I walked into my room and found a girl from my ward sitting there. My own roommate moves out today, so I should be expecting a new one.

"Are you my roommate?" she asked.

"Are you moving in?" I countered with a question of my own.

"Yes."

"Then yes."

She looked around the room. "I'm just trying to figure out the set up. One thing that management doesn't know is that I have hermit crabs..." At first I thought that was some kind of disease. So I was going to be willing to help out in any way I can. "I think the best place to put a tank would be right here," she said pointing to the dresser in between our two beds, "but I don't know how you'd feel about a tank right here.

Things started to fall into place in my mind. A tank? She said hermit crabs. She means the animals. Management doesn't know. I like walking on the wild side, right? No! There's no telling how long I'd have to put up with this. She continued to tell me that they're not obnoxious and they don't smell. That's not what I care about. "I don't like breaking rules," I told. "If management doesn't know they're here, I don't want them here."

"Then I will leave," she said abruptly. I tried to counter that but she argued that no one wants the animals and she's not willing to kill them. I still didn't want her to kill them. So she walked out of my room and told my roommates that she wasn't moving in.

I don't mean to be a difficult roommate, but let's face it: if I didn't kick her out, the office would have. We are the model apartment (a fact that I wasn't thinking about at the time). People are in our apartment on a regular basis without our permission. The two other rooms have bunk beds, so Catherine especially shows off my room. We would have gotten caught eventually.

Anyway I really hope whoever does end up moving in believes in the honor code. I won't break the honor code. Sorry, not even to save a hermit crab's life. Actually, I'm not that sorry.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Good: Eating elephants

Good: Waking up
Bad: Waking up to the dreaded day of the Math 314 final

Good: Going to work
Bad: Slacking off at work and getting in trouble with the boss

Good: Talking to a cute boy
Bad: Being flustered while talking to that cute boy

Good: Setting up an interview for my cousin
Bad: Not having time for lunch

Good: Studying and asking for help
Bad: Not studying enough and/or not understanding enough

Good: Taking a test
Bad: Failing a test

Good: blogging
Bad: blogging before eating. I'm really hungry. Goodbye.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Changing

So I posted something this morning, but I feel like not having it be posted anymore. So poof, it's gone. Now I have to think of something to replace it.

Sometimes I wonder how Heavenly Father really feels. You know when a little child says something he shouldn't, but it's just so funny you have to laugh? I sometimes wonder what kind of sense of humor Heavenly Father has. Especially when it comes to his children trying to woo his other children.

I also wonder sometimes if he is more upset at me than I realize. There I am, like a little child with flour all over my hands and clothes, staring up and smiling. Is He instead trying hard not to lash out at me because I just ruined the plans he laid out in front of me?

I know Heavenly Father loves us. I know His love in unconditional. I know that He will do anything in His power to get back a wayward son or daughter. Because of that love, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. It's easier to love people when you see them as Heavenly Father sees them. (Okay, none of us are Heavenly Father, so technically that's an impossible task, but you can come close to imagining). The problem is that when someone is maliciously trying to hurt you and you've never heard a kind work from him/her, it's rather hard to see him/her as a child of God.

I do hope that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor. I hope he laughs more often than he glares. Either way, it's nice to know that we are loved.


Monday, April 11, 2011

Not Quite Atruistic

Really, I'm blogging right now because I don't want to do homework. Normally it's not a problem. I don't want to do it? Okay, I'll go to bed. But this time I told my group that I'd do my part so that they can have it for tomorrow. When others are counting on me, I have to be a little better.

That wasn't important to this post.

So the other day I said Hi to this guy. That's my usual response. If I see you, I will say Hi. I won't usually say your name. It will either be a "Hi," or a "Hey" or a "Hello." That's really all I got in me.

Most people, however, respond with more than just a "Hi." They add a "Hey how are you?" Now I realize that in this world we live in, people say those words without thinking. Well, I don't think either, but my brain is on "Take everything literal" mode. It's also on the "Pretend to reciprocate feelings" mode. Thus, you ask me "How are you?" and I respond, "Great, how are you." I don't think, it just comes out.

So, back to the other day. I said "Hi." He said, "Hey Aubry, how are you." "Great, how are you?" Without even thinking, my walk slowed. Even though by this time I had passed him, my brain recognized that I had asked a question and thus needed to wait for the answer. He continued on his path without thinking, mentioned something to the girl he was with, then noticed that I still had my attention on him. "Great," he said, a little confused. And then I walked away.

Now that's a lot of words to tell a meaningless story. However, I learned something about myself. I didn't really care how he was doing, but in my head I still needed the answer. I need closure. So if I ask you how you're doing...well...okay starting over. If I ask you how you're doing before you ask me, that means I really care and am focused. If I ask you how you're doing after you've asked me, that means I don't care, but you should tell me anyway or my brain might explode because I won't be able to move on with the rest of life.

Okay false, sometimes I do care even if I ask second. And I guess I won't really explode.

Friday, April 08, 2011

Human Nature

Warning: This post isn't really pertinent to anything.

Warning number two: I'm going to make a generalization. Generalizations are always dangerous and untrue. I'm going to do it anyway.

I've been thinking a lot about people. Hollywood is getting more and more evil. Things that are wrong are being called right. However, there are still things that even Hollywood understands are good. It's not good to cheat in a relationship. It's not good to sacrifice your friends to get what you want. It's not good to just kill someone because you feel like it.

I'm not really talking about Hollywood. I came up to the conclusion about a week ago that people are basically good. They don't want to hurt others. No one wakes up in the morning thinking, "ooh, how can I crush my roommate today and make her the saddest creature on the planet." Usually something happens as a misunderstanding, emotions fly, and then those thoughts surface. (Note: I don't think I've ever had that thought even when emotions have flown, I'm just using it as an example).

Then yesterday I heard a story about a couple trying to adopt who got utterly played by the mother who supposedly was going to give them her child. This did not go along with my first theory, so I have to make a caveat. People are willing to hurt other people (without prior argument) if they do not know or recognize the person they are hurting.

Example: in high school one day there was a vending machine that broke. You put in a dollar, it would give you back the dollar and also allow you to grab whatever drink you wanted. Once this was realized, kids flocked to the machine to get their free drinks. Who are they hurting? Exactly, you don't see anyone. You're hurting a corporation. So what's the harm? Take what you can get because you can. That's the mentality I'm talking about. People will use this mentality to get ahead in life.

Of course, generalizations don't work. Criminals can see who they are hurting. Some people won't cross the street when the light is red because they believe in the law. In the end, people can choose to do good are evil. And this whole post doesn't really mean much.

I guess my point is that often times we get so steamed up by what other people do without recognizing that their intentions probably weren't bad. There is good in the world. There are people who care. There are also people who mess up. The worse thing we can do is to judge them. I don't mean judge what they're doing. That's okay. I mean putting labels on people. Do you know how hard it is to get out of a label? It's hard. There comes a point when it's easier to just be who everyone else thinks you are than to try to break free.

Now you're probably saying, "Aubry, no one's ever labeled you a jerk or criminal." No, but I've been labeled, "child, baby, someone who's too afraid to move." Believe me when I say it's hard to break free. Okay that rant went in a direction I didn't intend. Moral of the story: be a builder not a destroyer. Trust in other's good intentions.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Wrong Again

I'm getting really frustrated with myself. I keep doing things thinking that I'm being inspired. Then I find out more information and realize everything I'm doing is wrong. And yet all these wrong actions are plaguing my mind. All throughout conference I've been thinking of three people over and over again. We're told that faith requires action. Well, I'm acting but nothing is coming of it.

Can I just scream? No, because no amount of screaming in silence will help me and I don't have the guts to scream in public.

Ah well tomorrow is a new day. I mean, how many times can a girl screw up? I'm bound to do something right, right?

Friday, April 01, 2011

Gloomy

Sometimes the storm clouds win even when the sun is shining.