Sunday, December 19, 2010

It's All In My Head

So, if you know me well enough, you know that I the words "I hate driving" are more likely to escape my mouth than the words, "Ooh driving is so fun. Let me drive!"

Friday night I drove to Las Vegas from Provo. It's the largest stretch that I personally ever had to drive. I've done the trip from California to Utah many times a year growing up. Being in the car is not the problem. The problem is this fear of driving that I've had ever since before I was driving.

As I was driving, I realized that I wasn't afraid anymore. Driving can actually be fun (Ssshhhhh, I didn't say that!) I drove through snow and rain and I even ran over a suspicious object that materialized from nowhere. The suspicious object had me worried because I thought for sure I should have a flat tire after jumping in the air. My brother thinks it was a deer. I just hope it wasn't a person. There was a police car behind me and he didn't chase me, so I assume it wasn't a person. Still, I didn't get a glimpse of it until the last second when driving over it was the only option. All I remember: yellow. Anyway, despite all of it, I made it to Las Vegas safely.

Then the next morning when my sister asked me to take over driving for her, once again the fear set in. I hate driving. I don't want to drive. Then I took the wheel. What was I worried about? I can do this.

So the moral of the story: it's all in my head.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Pearl Harbor

Sometimes I go on through life without thinking what day it is. On days like that it's very useful to have a brother who sends out a text that reads, "Today is Pearl Harbor Day. Let's all take a minute to remember the fallen." Thanks brother!

So I'm halfway through a book that I have to write a paper on. Halfway is a great place to stop and recount to the world the events of the day. Or at least recount something so that I don't go insane.

I am grateful for a teacher who pledges to randomly draw a name from his deck of cards to determine who will be his favorite student of the day. I also like the fact that after he said he would do this he looks over at a kid and asks the kid if its okay if he's the favorite. What happened to drawing the name from the cards?

I'm also grateful that this same teacher does his random selection to decide on two students to take to lunch. When he said the time would be 11:45 at his office tomorrow, I'm sure I winced. I have class at 11. So when the guy who sits right next to me got his name drawn, I was happy for him. I could live vicariously through him. Of course, throughout the entire semester our names have been right next to each other in the deck. The fact that my name got pulled next should not have surprised me. What did surprise me was to hear myself say, "Okay." Granted, I can still go to half my class, but this is the class that I probably understand the least in. Dinner with professor who served his mission in my mission or attend class in class where my grade is slipping. Let's add to the fact that I have a paper due tomorrow and the chances that I will leave a little bit for my future self of tomorrow to do is high meaning I won't have time for such things as lunch. Hello, fellow Rome missionaries always win out.

Then I got to get teased the entire time because apparently my teacher doesn't think I'm excited for this lunch. And I let him think that.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

That's Impossible

Do you remember the movie Angels in the Outfield. The whole point of the movie was that the kid wanted the Angels to win because his dad told him that when the impossible thing of the Angels winning happened, they could be a family. Both were impossible. They were unrelated, but the kid put them together in his brain.

So this morning I went to the temple. As I was coming home, I was thinking about something that I really wanted. We'll call it impossible thing number one. I thought of this other thing that I didn't really care about, but we'll call it impossible thing number two. My instant thought was, "Well, if impossible thing number two happens, I'll get impossible thing number one." Of course both are impossible right? Wrong. A half day later ground got broken for impossible thing number two.

Perhaps I will survive this game called life :)

This isn't really supposed to make sense to anyone. All it means is that the impossible happens sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I make promises to myself that I really have no control over.

Friday, December 03, 2010


You know, I've struggled with knowing how to put into words how I feel. I think "Aack" does a pretty good job. I was going to give more details, but after eating a bunch of Mike and Ikes (almost finishing the box) I just don't feel like it.

But everyone hates it when you start writing something and then you don't finish it. Don't worry anyone who happens to read my blog, life is grand. I have excellent health (although I might not after I find something else sugary to eat since my Mike and Ikes are now gone). Classes are only maiming me, but not killing. My family is doing well...I think. I'm going to have a niece near the end of April. Hurray! Did you know that spell check allows for both hurray and hooray? So, how do you really spell it?

Sorry, I get distracted easily. Okay, imagine that you find this guy who is seriously amazing. Every time he's around you he lifts you up. He loves talking about his mission, which also happens to be something you enjoy talking about. He teaches at the MTC. He radiates with this joy in everything he does. Some men are described as crazy, fun, exciting, nerdy etc. This guy would be described as "good." He knows the right way to ask a girl out. He also knows the right way of treating a girl on a date. He sounds incredible right.

So if he's that incredible, why is "aack" the first word that pops into my head as I see that he's texted me? Why is it that he can do everything right and yet I can feel absolutely nothing for him? What is wrong with me?

History Lesson about Me: I never thought that I would be a picky dater. All growing up I was always in love with half of the boys I ever met. Of course, I would never admit to that. Whenever we had to pick partners for anything, I would look around to find the person least likely to get a partner because I was afraid of rejection. Sadly enough, even in my fool-proof method I still got turned down. Because of this nature, I've always been worried that I would just fall for the first guy that ever showed interest in me.

Welp, I've proved that one wrong a dozen times. (Okay, thankfully not a dozen or I would feel absolutely horrible as a person and resolve myself to starting the only Mormon nunnery of only one person). So what is wrong with me?

If this were a movie, there would be this wise character who would exploit whatever it is that's wrong with me. I would suffer, but in the end of the movie I would learn to change my ways and eventually find true love. So, who wants to be that wise character and completely tear me to pieces? Any takers? Come on, I'll only hate you for a couple months, maybe a year. Then I'll love you!

The problem is I feel like I never fall for the guys who fall for me, and I never want to be noticed by the guys I fall for. I'm not willing to risk my feelings. But then I'm not receptive to the guys that come without a risk.

See, there you go. I've now told you what's wrong with me. You wise character only have to exploit it somehow and make me feel awful enough to change. I'm making this easy for you.

Also, I love receiving advice. So even if you don't want to be the wise character and you'd rather be a side character of sorts, that's okay too. I'll listen. I may not apply it, but I'll listen.