Friday, March 30, 2007

My Angel

Last night was undoubtedly the scariest in my life. I’m still shaking in shock.

At around 9:40ish my sister called. She wanted long-distance “girl-time” while her husband was at a meeting. It sounded like she had called me on accident. She had really meant to call a different sister. However, finding out that she had dialed my number, she decided to keep talking with me. We’re sisters, it’s what we do. Angels were definitely present. Neither of us knew that at the time.


I am so grateful for family. I am so grateful that I was not alone last night.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Complaining About Sleep

Has your body ever told you, “NO! You will not get up right now! You have starved me of sleep for too long! You will stay in bed for another TWO HOURS!” Well, mine has, but that’s not what happened today. Unfortunately I have to blame today on myself. I made sure that the time was set to the correct time, but I forgot to make sure my alarm was actually on! Maybe I have an alter ego that turned it off while I wasn’t paying attention, because I ALWAYS make sure my alarm is on.

Anyway, no harm done. My boss just kind of chuckled at me when I told her I slept in. She has such a hard time retaining good help. I suppose when I arrive a little late, it’s not quite as bad as not showing up at all.

And of all the days to be late, today was probably the very best. I didn’t have time to take a shower (obviously, since I woke up during my shift), but today is the one day during the week when I get to come home after work for a couple of hours. So that’s happy. I just had building inspections last week, so there’s not much need for impressing anyone at the moment.

Building Inspections! Ack, such a disappointment! I was told they’d come on the 16th. As I was leaving that day, though, the carpet cleaners were cleaning the carpet. That’s bad news for me because they always mess up custodial closets. Then I found out last Tuesday that despite all my hard work, no one had come to inspect my building. (It’s kind of happy because of the carpet cleaners, kind of sad because of all that wasted energy). So, this last Friday I had to do everything again! I got a perfect score though. She even left me a note saying I had done really well. That was totally off the topic of sleep, but I had to complain…kind of.

Anyway, today I probably needed the sleep more than any other anyhow seeings how I went to bed later than I normally do. So, all in all, I’m not really complaining. I mean, I’m complaining, admitting to the fact that my complaining is entirely unreasonable.

Sunday, March 25, 2007


One reason for which I feel greatly ashamed is declaring myself an International Relations major while knowing little about politics. I wish I knew more, but I rarely feel like going out and doing research. Plus, you have to go out and search many places because any place you visit is bound to be one-sided. That’s an obvious truth. I had that reinforced to me in high school when I went to the Democrat Club so that I could decide for myself if I really was a republican. All I got out of the club was that the people there hated republicans. Everything was skewed to make Republicans look bad. Instead of inviting me in, I felt appalled. I never even tried to go to the republican club…that is until college.

Okay, so there is a point to this. My point is that I have not done sufficient research to claim to know anything whatsoever. However, I randomly happened on this site belonging to someone who seems to know a lot more than I do.

Umm, I still haven’t figured out how to do this right, so I’m going to do it wrong again. I want you to click
  • here

  • Basically the guy’s saying don’t vote for Mitt Romney, vote for Ron Paul. Until I actually do my own research…well…Yeah…I don’t know.

    Saturday, March 24, 2007

    More Than One Battle

    A while ago I mentioned that I would talk about our battle against the French. Well, there’s not much to say on the subject really. The French surrendered. They wouldn’t even fight us. So, we decided to fight the Japanese instead. I just want to say that I did a lot better this time around. And when I say I did a lot better, I mean A LOT BETTER. My accuracy increased by over four times as much. (Of course, when you start at less than two percent, it doesn’t take much to do better).

    I was also proud of me because I also went to play Frisbee. (Doing two social things in one Saturday is a major accomplishment for me). I learned many things there. I was going to share some of my wisdom, but I couldn’t find the accurate words. So, you’ll just have to take my word for it that I am indeed learning. And I got sunburned. No, not badly. It’s not even worth complaining about really. The thing is that I actually put on sun block, and I still got sunburned.

    I just got a new toilet and a bathroom light. I’m excited. I know that sounds random, but it flows with the sequence of events.

    Thursday, March 22, 2007

    Where Am I Headed?

    Today my landlady came down to tell me that my roommate’s mom is for sure coming. This means I should probably clean my room. It also means that I’m losing the other single bed in my room, which means that if I invite someone over they either get the couch, floor, or my bed.

    For the first time today, I acknowledged that the pressure I’m receiving from practically everyone in my family is legitimate. Oh what a breath of fresh air! Not only did the words escape my lips, but they were met with understanding. So, where am I living next year? I have no idea. Will it be here? Probably not. I think I like being alone too much. That’s not healthy. Hey, but I’m getting better grades this year than last year. Nonetheless, I’m missing out on a major part of college…roommates…multiple roommates.

    Man, the idea of five other girls is just sickening right now. Normally it’s not, but it is right now. I am way too used to being alone.

    I think I’m just in a bad mood right now. And my stomach’s been acting strangely.

    Sunday, March 18, 2007

    Round Three

    Oh, did I say round three? How deceptive of me: making it sound like staying alive amidst being lonely was a battle.

    Yes yes yes, my roommate is still sick. Imagine my discomfort when I got a call from her mom saying that she was going to come live with us for the rest of the semester. I love my mom. I’m sure I’d love her mom too. However, there is a reason why I came to BYU rather than staying home at the local JC which would have been cheaper. I knew that if I wasn’t placed on my own, I would cease to grow. Anyway, that’s another story.

    Welp, I’m still alone in my apartment. This condition looks as though it’s going to continue for a good part of this next week too. Hap’s (that’s my not-so very clever alias created in a post long ago for my roommate) mom called again today to say she wasn’t sure if she actually was going to come after all. Chances are that she will come. However, chances are also saying that she will probably not stay for the entire semester. If you don’t believe me when I say my roommate is sick, let me remind you that her mom would be coming from Belgium! It isn’t like this type of visit is made for the fun of it! Of course, my roommate is British. Maybe they think differently.

    Quiet Resolve

    Several weeks ago, one of my visiting teachers asked me an important question. She asked, “Do you want to be timid and shy?” I thought this was an interesting question. I mean, honestly, who wants to be shy? Umm, yeah, I’d like to be too timid to ever speak. I’d like to have a voice so quiet that no one ever bothers to listen to it. It sounds ridiculous, right?

    Then I thought about a specific instance in my life. I was probably about six or seven. The leader in charge remarked how quiet everyone was, and I took it as a compliment. I decided I wanted to be quiet more often so that I could receive that type of reaction.

    Time went on and I remained the quiet one. My quietness just kind of stuck. It was almost like an addiction. It became a rut that I just could not get out of. I was the quiet one, and there was no reason for me to change at all.

    I’m tired of being quiet, but I don’t really know how to change. Just like an addiction, I think I’ll go into shock if I ever try and break free. I’m already starting to feel the convulsions every time I post on this blog. You don’t’ know how sick inside I feel after I press “publish”.

    So why do I keep posting, some may ask. I don’t know. It just keeps happening. See, I’m not going to be quiet forever. I think this blog is my first step stepping outside of my comfort zone.

    The next step is to be more comfortable with myself. Too often I have formed opinions based on what other people have said. I’m going to try and stop doing that. I’m not going to be embarrassed with what I like anymore. More importantly, maybe, I need to decide what I do like.

    There was something else that my visiting teacher said that has stuck with me. She said that people want to hear me more. People want to see me be more outgoing. I’ve never really felt that way. I’ve always felt like anything I have to say would be unimportant. I hate the attention I get when people say things like, “I can’t believe that you just did that.” Other people became addicted to seeing me a certain way too.

    So this is my resolve, my quiet resolve: to be more outgoing. Obviously this is going to take time, like any bad addiction. However, a goal not written is…I don’t know how the quote goes…but it’s basically nothing at all. So hear my words and hear them loudly- for I talk louder on paper than in person. I’m going to be more outgoing!

    Friday, March 16, 2007

    Dark Feelings

    Have you ever had one of those days when you do something completely innocent, but you still feel sick inside. I want to write about it to get it out of my system, but at the same time I don’t really want to think about it.

    All right, I’ll embellish, but only a little. I have this nasty habit of not looking at people’s fingers. I don’t think anyone ever has to worry about me coming off as flirtatious; but perhaps I made an action that was not conducive to staying away from the married folk.

    And now my defense mechanisms are jumping in. Just because someone’s married does not mean you have to avoid them like the plague. I did nothing wrong. The reason I feel sick is because…well…I don’t know. That’s part of the problem.

    Today has just been an exhausting day. Because of procrastination and a million of things piled on top of me, I did a half-rate job on all my assignments due today. I went to the Students for Children Showcase, but I didn’t go to frisbee in the dark, which would have been a lot more fun…but less helpful to people other than me. I actually had planned to do both, but, well, no, it didn’t happen. So that’s where my life is at at the moment. Thanks for tuning in.

    Wednesday, March 14, 2007

    Happy Birthday Einstein

    Why does everything have to be due this Friday?

    Today a girl from my ward called me up to remind me of something. Instead of reminding me, though, she invited me over for dinner. It’s funny. You’d think I’d be going stir crazy without a roommate. For some reason, that really doesn’t affect me. However, I’ve also done more things outside of the apartment this last week and a half. Hmm, and I’ve wasted a lot of time. That’s why I’m in such a panic of how to do everything before Friday. One way, obviously, would be to not write a blog; but today is special. Today is Einstein’s birthday. Think of where you’d be without Albert Einstein. Exactly! I, personally, would be dinnerless at the moment. (Not dinnerless, but I’d have to make my own dinner).

    Sunday, March 11, 2007

    What Happened To My Roommate?

    I’ve already mentioned how my roommate came home yesterday. Well, after running a few errands yesterday, I noticed that she was no longer there. Her car was not there, but she had left the door unlocked. Earlier I had arranged for her to not lock the door because I didn’t feel like bringing my keys, but this was a bit later and a different situation all-together. Oh well, maybe she had some errands to run of her own and would be back soon.

    She works the night-shift at this place. (I should know what it’s called, but I don’t). So, naturally, her not coming home last night did not frighten me too terribly. She probably went off with a friend. They hung out a little late, so she went strait to work. However, she did not come home in the morning. What happened?

    On my way to church, I came up with several possibilities.

    1. She was kidnapped. That’s why the door remained unlocked. The kidnapper must have stolen her car.

    2. She decided to fly home to Belgium. She didn’t leave a note because if she leaves, that means I’ll be evicted. (There’s this neighborhood law that says if you’re going to rent to students, the owner of the house must live in the house. My roommate’s parents are the real owners of the house. Without my roommate, I can’t live here).

    3. The people upstairs stole my roommate because of an argument they might have had with her parents…or a foreign government even.

    4. Or maybe she decided to go strait to church and not stop off at home. Maybe she happened to go to work already dressed in Sunday clothes.

    So I go to church, hoping to see her, but not really thinking I will. (No, I didn’t really think she was kidnapped, but I also didn’t really think she’d go strait from work to church without a shower). And no, I didn’t see her at all.

    You’re probably wondering what happened. Since the truth has since been made known to me, I suppose I can fill you in. I actually saw her sitting on a couch after Sunday School. Apparently she had gone back to her aunt’s house. She’s planning on staying there next week too. She actually quit her job because she’s not getting over her mono and its not helping (obviously).

    You know, one day something terrible is going to happen to that girl and no one’s going to know. Everyone will think she’s simply somewhere else. That’s when you’re especially grateful that Heavenly Father always knows where you are and that He’ll always be there to help.

    Saturday, March 10, 2007

    A Fishy Business

    No! I’m not running a fish business!

    A moment ago I was going to write about how alone I felt in the apartment. Then my roommate walked in the door. She’s alive! And sickly, she looks very sickly.

    I might also mention that I did not kill the fish. Last week, Wednesdayish, we bought fish. (By “we” I mean my roommate). I am not a fish person. Dogs and cats are cute and cuddly. Fish are boring. Not even my sister’s lizard is as boring as fish. (I actually think he's pretty cute too). It occurred to me on Monday, though, that I should probably not let the fish starve to death while my roommate was away. So, I fed them whenever I felt like it because I really have no clue how to take care of fish. Then their bowls started stinking. (We have six fish in two bowls). I know you’re supposed to change their bowls every once in a while, but it’s far too much effort for stupid, boring fish. So, I changed the bowl on the sink and let the other bowl of fish smell up the living room. You may think I’m a horrible person, but I’ll have you know that none of the fish died. My roommate just barely changed the other bowl and discovered them all to still be alive.

    Anyway, my roommate is alive. The fish are all alive. Today is just a happy day.

    Thursday, March 08, 2007

    Signs and Shadows

    Am I superstitious? I don’t really think so. I think I try to be more superstitious than I really am. That’s why when random things happen that seem to correlate with other things, I see them as signs that I’m on the right path. For example, seeing my cousin on campus and finding out that his wife used to TA for physical science seemed to be a sign that I should ditch my physical science lab and do something outlandish. That ended nowhere.

    Shadows: Don’t trust the shadows. This is a valuable lesson that I only just learned today. I was walking home and I saw the shadow of a person on a bike behind me. Trying to be a nice pedestrian, I willingly moved over to one side. However, she couldn’t get passed the people in front of me, so she stayed behind me. Well, the people in front of me were clearing off and I knew it was time for her to pass me. From watching the shadow, I got the impression that she was trying to pass on the other side of me. So I started walking diagonally, wondering why she chose that route. She didn’t. I ended up walking right into her.

    You can apply that to life in so many ways. However, this is not Sunday School. So I leave any ponderings on it to you.

    Saturday, March 03, 2007

    I Am An Idiot

    Every day this week we’ve had the same conversation.

    “How’s your day been?”
    “It was good, but I didn’t do anything.”
    “Oh? That’s nice,” and I move on without realizing the suffering of my poor roommate.
    Then, yesterday, my roommate pipes out with, “I didn’t go to a single class this week.”
    “I slept through them all!”
    “Oh, so you were serious about the not doing anything all day?”

    On Wednesday, my roommate found out that she has mono. I wish I had realized how serious her problem was. I wish I had realized how much sleeping she was really doing. I don’t think she was ever home when I got home. So, naturally, I just assumed she had gone to her classes.

    What’s worse is realizing that, this week especially, I could have helped her. I think I went home after work every day except one. (Normally I try not to because it wastes time). I could have woken her up when I went home. Silly me, I figured she had a handle on her sleeping schedule and knew what she was doing. I feel like such an awful roommate! There’s only the two of us here. Why could I not sense her pain? I must be the densest person alive. If you don’t tell in me in straight words, I have no idea what’s going on.

    And I’m going to be paying for it this next week. If I thought my social connections were low, check this out. My roommate said she was going to stay at her aunt’s house for a couple of days next week. At her aunt’s, she’ll have more pressure to wake up because her aunt is a professor at BYU. She’ll be going to campus with her to ensure her success as she recovers from her mono. Then there’ll be me, sitting at home all alone, wondering why everyone keeps leaving me.

    Friday, March 02, 2007

    A Broken Curse…Maybe

    Today I finally went and bought black ink. I haven’t checked it out quite yet, but I don’t think there should be any problems. Say goodbye to olive green and blue papers. There will be no more purple answer keys printed off so that I can do my homework at school. They’ll all be in black now. REAL BLACK! I’m excited.

    I’m also really excited to go to Russia. I think I’m going to be hopping up and down all the way up until May. Well, probably on through May and into June and July.